Incredible !ndia

For months now, we have been seeing an ad on TV for “Incredible !ndia” set to a nifty little jingle. Now that we are here, I think we have had enough experience of India to recommend that they revise their marketing campaign as follows to bring a little truth and enlightenment to it: “Incredible, Impossible, Indigestible, In-need-of, In-league-with, I-want-your-money !ndia”.

Amir’s sister Ciara joined us for 9 days of Indian adventure. In order to squeeze as much in as possible, we started off by spending a day in Delhi seeing the India Gate and the palace followed by an attempt to visit the Gandhi museum made unsuccessful by the 114 degree heat that rendered us all fairly useless after the first 2 kilometers of walking. Later that evening, we met up with Amir’s cousin Jennah, who was visiting India at the same time, and two of her friends for an amazing dinner at a little vegetarian restaurant called Tadka in the Pahar Ganj neighborhood of Delhi (totally recommend it). That is when we discovered malai kofta, a delicious dish of cottage cheese (paneer) balls in a cashew nut gravy.

Bright and early the next day, we hopped on a train to Jaipur, a few hours southwest of Delhi. Attempting to learn from our mistakes, we stayed in our air conditioned hotel room during the hottest part of the day before venturing out in an A/C taxi to visit the pink city Jaipur is renowned for. We visited the Hawa Mahal, palace of the winds, and climbed up to the top. It is a lovely pink palace with numerous tiny windows with miniature double doors that the women of the palace could peep through while still observing puja (religious ceremony). We were the only foreign tourists there at the time and were treated as movie stars with many of the Indian tourists requesting pictures taken with us. We did a bit of Indian dancing for their entertainment as well.

At 4:30pm, it was still approximately the temperature of an oven, so we limited our touristy activities to peeping at the Juntar Muntar observatory and peeping at another palace before hopping in an auto rickshaw (because our taxi driver had vanished without waiting to be paid) and heading back to the hotel. Let’s just say it’s a good thing the hotel had room service because in addition to the fact that there were zero restaurants or food stalls nearby, it was too hot to leave the comfort of our room just for mere sustenance’s sake.

Next day we booked an auto rickshaw for a half day and headed off early in the morning to see the Amber Palace and Jal Mahal (water palace). The Amber Palace is a vast complex with many pink buildings climbing up a big hill. At the base of the palace, there was a courtyard with loads of 2-foot tall monkeys lounging around or chasing each other through trees. We walked up high enough to get a great view of the small city on the other side of the fortress wall and then called it quits as the sun beat down upon us without mercy. For every 30 minutes in the sun, we had to consume 1/3 to ½ liter of water in order to survive. Staying relatively hydrated was like an epic battle against nature.

And then there was the day that put all other tourist days to shame. We awoke in the predawn hours and made it to the railway station just as the sun was rearing its beastly head. About 5 hours later, we stepped onto the platform at Agra station and arranged for an A/C taxi to shunt us around to the Taj Mahal and Agra Fort. Foreigners pay $15 to enter the Taj while Indians get in for something like 3 cents. I think it’s fair, though, since most foreigners can afford $15 to see one of the 7 wonders of the world. It was breathtaking. I’d seen pictures of it but the real thing is nothing in comparison to a photo. There are these intricately inlaid marble flower patterns and script wandering up, across and back down the entranceway. Inside, the breeze and the shade provided the only relief in sight from the sweltering heat. It was 10 times worse for the Indians because we were all required to either take off our shoes or put on booties and only the foreigners got the booties. That meant the Indians had to walk around barefoot on the hot marble outside before they could reach the sanctuary of the cool marble within.
After filling our eyes to the brim with the beauty and feminine majesty of the Taj, we drove to the Agra Fort to wander around from one room to the next while sneaking occasional peaks from its windows at the gorgeous Taj in the distance across the river. The fort was a hodgepodge of architectural styles and seemed like a bit of an oaf compared to the goddess beauty of the Taj. The highlight was seeing two marble bed-like thrones at the top, one black and one white, like the forces of good and evil.

We finished sightseeing by 4:30pm so the only thing left to do while waiting for our 7pm train was to head to a 5-star hotel and have some cold beverages. As it turns out, India gives out stars to its hotels like they are so many candies being thrown from a float to little kids during a parade. The first indication that we had not reached a true 5-star establishment was the inability of the waiter to take down our drink order with any accuracy. The second and more convincing evidence was when a waiter readjusted his testicles in plain sight. At least the beverages were cold and the air conditioning was on.

At 7pm, we hopped on board our overnight train to Haridwar where we had 2 confirmed sleeper berths and 1 waitlisted berth. Fortunately, Amir managed to secure the third berth without much ado and we slept soundly until 4am when we disembarked at Haridwar station, hopped into a cycle rickshaw to get to the bus station and took a bus 35 minutes to Rishikesh where we engaged an auto rickshaw to ferry us around to 8 or 10 hotels until we found the perfect one.

Rishikesh is a bit of a yogi haven so we found plenty of dirty, skinny ascetics floating around in a peaceful haze. It is also a vacation spot for Indians who come to bathe in the Ganges river as a holy rite. Aside from walking up and down the bazaars on both sides of the river accessible via a pedestrian suspension bridge over the river, we didn’t do a whole lot. The heat was unbearable the first couple of days until we had a blessed reprieve after a thunderstorm. After the temperature decreased we were able to walk around and shop but that didn’t stop us from ordering room service for every meal so we could eat in air conditioning while watching cable TV. Here as well, several Indian families asked us rather aggressively for a photo opp. One man went so far as to entrust his daughter with my lap for 2 or 3 pictures. We weren’t sure why we were in such hot demand but figured at least part of the reason could be attributed to our Western dress in the face of so many yogis draped in Indian sheets. On the eve of our departure, we were walking along the bazaar when I was gored by one of the many horned cows window shopping. Fortunately, no skin was broken, but I must say that even a dull, rounded cow’s horn hurts quite a bit when it is forced into your thigh. I now give all cows with horns a wide berth.

Back in Delhi via an A/C taxi ride lasting 7 ½ hours through ungodly traffic, we met up with Maja and Dhun (Nergesh’s niece and her husband) for a lovely dinner at the India International Centre and then sent Ciara off in a taxi to catch her flight back to New York via Russia. It was a whirlwind tour at the beginning and a relaxing opportunity to hang out together at the end. We miss you already, Ciara!

Now we are off to spend a couple of days with Ashish Garg, Amir’s friend from his World Links days, at her home in Gurgaon. After that, we plan to beat the heat by heading north to Daramshala for a week or two of relaxation at high altitudes.